Numbing Has Never Been Easier

We do it all day long. We talk to people, listen to music, work, are on the phone or on the computer, watch Netflix, read news, follow our habits/ addictions, exercise. At work, at the bus stop, in the train, on the toilet, while eating, during meetings, during coffee with friends, in bed, waiting in the queue.

We are in doing mode all the time. We function. Even if we take a break, we read a book, we exercise or we have dinner with friends – doing something.

I sometimes even observe myself at the bus stop taking out my phone to check the weather. Yeah, the weather, because there is no new email, no new message, so I check the weather. Our dopamine system gets rewarded anytime we use technology. Technology, just like cocaine, sex or chocolate, has a deep connection with our brain’s read circuitry. Everything we do on our phone releases dopamine. Lots of fake pleasure, just at our fingertips, while not being present at all.

Also, we get bored incredibly fast. We are addicted to not stay still, to not just be. Because that would be a waste of time right? Even if we are finally slowly moving away from the protestant roots of only being of value when we work hard, when we create something visible, when we can say we were busy doing, this concept is still deeply rooted within us.

If we don’t do anything, we feel worthless, not creating any value, not proving anything to anyone, not feeling alive, which all feels incredibly bad. We want to feel worthy and loved, right? And for that we need to show that we did something – to ourselves or to others. When we have a day of not doing anything, we perceive it as a lost day.

This can create so much pressure. Pressure we put on our shoulders like a huge backpack full of heavy stones. It creates anxiety, sleepless nights, pain in the body or even depression. We often actually do notice that this is definitely not making us happy. But hey, no pain no gain, right? Who said life is a bar of chocolate? (I hope you hear my irony. )So do we continue functioning like that even if it does not make us happy nor healthy?

The answer is so absurd.

I think we are often scared to stop doing because of one other reason: we are scared to notice what happens if we just are. Because that’s when we step into the observer mode. And guess what, when we start to observe ourselves, when we tune in, take time to listen to ourselves and be in the moment, we can notice how we actually are,

how the qualities of our relationships are with our loved ones, with our work partners,

the quality of the relationship with ourselves,

how we feel about certain situations.

And there we might get to the conclusion that some things don’t feel right and that we actually have to change something. This inner voice, that we just turn off so often, that we ignore, is suddenly very hearable in the not-doing-mode.

But wait, we can’t change, cause we are in the middle of proving something, of creating something of value. We have responsibilities, we owe something to people. If we don’t do this and that, this and that person is going to be disappointed, lose their job, not like us anymore, whatever.

Probably someone is going to die.

Or wait, no, actually most of the time no one is going to die (except you are a sergeant or something). But everything we do is still sooo important.

More important than our health and wellbeing, our happiness and contentment.

Well of course, it’s scary to change something, because we live in some sort of security. We people cling so much to security even if we know the only constant is change. Nothing can ever stay the same, and this clinging is what makes us suffer. Also, observing might make you feel really uncomfortable, you might have to face topics that you would rather not look at.

So the easier way to take is to numb these thoughts and feelings out. We keep being busy with all the things I wrote in the first few lines of this text, keep not listening to what our bodies tell us about our lifestyle, what our emotions tell us about how we actually are.

It’s often a burnout or an almost burnout, an accident, a relationship that goes down the drain or a friend we loose, too strong anxieties and illnesses, when we finally stop. Stop doing and start being. Start reflecting on why we do all this, and what it actually is that we really want to do or how we want relationships to be different.

I think the reason why so many people who practice a lot of Yoga or Meditation or the like, often change a lot in their life, is exactly this. You are more often in the observer mode, in the here and now, understanding that you put yourself in every situation yourself, and that you are the only person who can change all of this. And that you actually can. We learn to trust through such practices, get rid of doubts and fears to pursue what we really want. Because we don’t need to prove anything. We are all enough!

For me that’s such a valuable part of my life: stepping on my mat. I take time to tune in, to notice what’s going on – objectively in the observer mode (I judge myself less when I practice observing more often….makes sense, right?). And then I practice courage, self love and trust, to change whatever needs to be changed in order to live a more fulfilled life and be a better version of myself. It’s not always easy and does not always work, but it is definitely worth it.